Bailey’s Custard Tart

It’s been that long since I wrote a post I can’t remember how to do it anymore. As the actress said to the bishop.

The reason I am writing this post is to have a quick rant about Panko Breadcrumbs. Which I will now refer to as Wanko Breadcrumbs (BTW this post is NSFW). I just made some Arancini. But instead of simply whizzing  up some stale bread like you are supposed to , I decided to use up a spare pack of Wanko Breadcrumbs. Basically you end up with something with the texture akin to a packet of crisps. Don’t bother.

Anyway no one cares about little balls of rice covered with crushed up crisps. What people care about is Custard Tart infused with 3 litres of Bailey’s Irish Cream.

Okay. So now I am trying to negotiate WordPress on a Mac. They (Apple) have managed to enable inserting pictures easy enough but replaced it with a thing where when you type to the end of the page it doesn’t scroll up. Seriously this is why I cannot be arsed to blog anymore.

Back to the dessert in hand. To create Bailey’s Custard Tart you will need

• 320g sweet shortcrust pastry sheet
• plain flour, for dusting
• 350ml double cream, plus 200ml for topping
• 1 vanilla pod, split lengthways
• 2 whole eggs, plus 4 egg yolks
• 125g caster sugar, plus 1 ½ tbsp for topping
• 200ml Baileys, plus 1 tbsp for topping
• Crunchie Bar, crunched  (not optional, unlike wot it says in the BBC GoodFood recipe from Twix this was Nixed)

First you employ the services of an unwitting young individual who doesn’t really know what is going on except chocolate is involved at some point.

You then get that very same person to roll out the pastry and line a fluted pie tin with it. Then she gets to chuck a load of baking beans on top.

She might then get diverted and create some kind of dinosaur out of the trimmings, get bored and wander off to watch two sisters with serious attachment issues have a row about who’s in charge (Frozen).

Meanwhile bake the pastry blind for 15 mins, remove from the oven and lift out the beans and leave to cool.

Scrape the seeds out of the vanilla pod.

Combine the eggs and sugar, whisking vigorously until pale and creamy. Mmm. Another issue has come to light. I am typing like I’ve got a case of St Vitus Dance, or it could be the red wine I just cracked open.

Now pour the cream into a pan, add the vanilla seeds and warm until steamy. Now add the Bailey’s to the cream.

And then add that to the eggs. Now pour the custard into the pie case.

Bake at a fairly low heat (150 centigrade) for 1/2 an hour and then leave to chill in the fridge for a couple of hours.

Once it’s chilled, whip the rest of the cream, sugar and the Bailey’s until it holds its shape and then pile onto the pie.

Lastly chop up the Crunchie and sprinkle on top.

I served this up as pudding for the little ones. The wife took one taste and then whipped it away and replaced it with a mousse. It had more alcohol per square inch than Dean Martin on a booze cruise.